Understanding Chinese English

What is Chinese English and what does it do?

Chinese English is probably one of the hardest dialects to understand for the common man. It has many abbreviations as well as tonal differences that make it sometimes incomprehensible. Sometimes even sounding like a complete different language all together. What makes this even worse is that the person speaking the dialect is often under the impression that he or she is speaking perfectly normal English, thus they are unaware of the surrounding people in the conversation being frustrated and bewildered due to the totally incoherent conversation that is happening.

Many Chinese English speakers may argue that their version of English is merely hampered by some minor pronunciation problems that they encounter in certain words that include the letters 'L' and 'R' in particular. It is the common belief that in the Chinese English alphabet, L and R are in each other's position thus leading to utter confusion when any speaker attempts to pronounce these letters. Some examples are really pronounced rearry, and like pronounced rike. These faults are still very tolerable to anybody during a normal conversation as the ability to comprehend what the speaker is trying to convey is hardly hampered.

Real problems arise when the CE speaker is involved in a lengthy conversation which requires complicated language and a good vocabulary. Under these pressure cooker situations, the CE speaker comes into their own. They are unparalleled in their ability to switch from English to another language during the same sentence without any breaks

of concentration. This faultless transition normally happens in their mother tongue, which is most commonly Cantonese or Mandarin. Such a large change will almost always throw all involved in the conversation off, rendering them mute for several seconds. There has been reports of individuals with acute cases that have been rendered permanently mute. These occurrences have grown so common that it has reached plague proportions. researchers predict that by the year 2000 every one in ten people involved in any sort of CE conversations will have been rendered temporarily mute. And 1 in 100 will be permanently mute.

The breakthroughs in combating this crippling attack on the senses have been few and far between. Recently, a discovery at the UNSW research center suggested that immediately upon commencement of CE, the to be victim should retaliate with a barrage of insults and derogatory comments aimed at the CE speaker using normal English.

This have proven to be 100% useful in test cases performed at the University with many CE speakers being too disorientated to continue talking. There have been cases where the CE speaker themselves were rendered temporarily mute by the unanticipated onslaught. The best prescribed protection from CE speakers is still that of prevention. It is highly recommended to all people that comes into contact with CE speakers that they should understand the basics of the dialect o prevent any disorientation and in severe cases muting by the complexity of the language. Below are a few important tips in prevention and in cases that are too late to prevent, first aid FAQs that will be supplied with all our reviewed languages.

Understanding the language.

In CE, the main problem with understanding the pronunciation and sentence structure during a simple conversation. One must remember that in CE, Rs are Ls and vice-versa. Therefore words with L such as lovely should be pronounced rovery and words with R such as rare should be pronounced lare. CE speakers also love to jumble normal sentence structures, CE speakers often miss out on important connecting words such as to and are. For example, I go city instead of I'm going to the city and you sad instead of you are sad.

FAQs

How do I stop a CE attack while it is being launched?

The best form of defense is attack. As they launch into CE, retaliate immediately with normal English insults, preferably using compound words and long sentence structures. This will render the CE speaker temporarily incapacitated and will give you the vital seconds you need to make your escape.

I have a CE speaking friend and he does not seem willing to improve his speaking skills, why?

This is a common trait with CE speakers. They are too comfortable in their secluded circle of fellow CE speakers that they have no real need to communicate with non-CE speaking people.

Why do CE speakers have so many stupid questions to ask about even the simplest words and sentences?

This is really a trap set by the cunning CE speaker to first disorientate you with questions that seem just too simple to be asked, the victim will start to feel agitated and that is when the CE speaker strikes with a barrage of Canto English rendering their victim motionless and mute.

Are CE speakers common and how do I spot one on the street?

There are three main ways of spotting a CE speaker on the street. We call this the LPC test. ( loud, proud and crowded ) Firstly most CE speakers are trained to amplify their voices 2 or 3 times louder than the average person. This can often be seen during public telephone conversations in which the callers are often engaged in a friendly screaming match. Secondly, most CE speakers are very proud of their CE abilities and are willing to show them off at any prompting. And lastly, CE speakers are normally found in groups of 5 to 10 individuals. We like to call them crowds due to their tendency to form a close bunched circle on footpaths and public places. It is believed that this is employed to maximize amplification of their voices so to render more victims mute.

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