CJBC

	FeaturedArticle	CJBC3StepOath
	What Is The CJBC? And What Do They Do? We Explain All Below. By George Wang. Hi everyone, this week I have investigated the C.J.B.C ( Chinese Jewish Banking Corporation ) and its members. I have the pleasure of presenting the only recorded interview with its Chairwoman, who must remain anonymous for security reasons concerning this exclusive group. Below is a never seen before transcript of my interview, I hope you enjoy it and that it increases your understanding about this dying breed of humans. ( I feel another award coming to fill my trophy cabinet. )	1. I must not spend any money unless it is for may personal enjoyment or use. 2. I will only bank at the Chinese Jewish Banking Corporation. 3. I will not betray the CJBC by being generous in any shape or form. Disclaimer: All people, societies and material portrayed in this interview are fictitious and are not based on any groups, societies or individuals. Anyone that fits the descriptions of the above article is a total moron! Any group that fits the description of the CJBC are total #&@%heads! We take no responsibility for our stories and their repercussions to these Mr. Whippy wannabes! They all deserve it!

Hi, thank you for taking the time to answer my questions!

Lets get on with it, time is money! Enough with the small talk, time is money!

Okok, I'm sorry, so what inspired the formation of the CJBC?

To tell you the truth, the CJBC is not a recognised organisation. This is because to officially register it, there will be costly administration and registration fees, as well as those pesky government charges and taxes.

mmm...........this is going to be tough! So what are the major objectives of the unofficial CJBC?

That's easy, we pride ourselves on saving the maximum amount of monetary assets possible, this includes of course anything that is going to be of monetary worth. Or save money on our own expenses and to get as much cash as possible.

So what has been some of the recent acquisition or cost minimizing efforts that you have achieved recently?

There are too many to mention now, but there is one that I am especially proud of in our residential property developments.

Such as?

Unlike our competitors, we conveniently forget to include fire escapes in our buildings, lets call it a slight modification to the design regulations placed upon us. We are then able to gain huge monetary savings on our budget.

Wait a minute, is that not against the law let alone dangerous?

don't be ridiculous, its such a small detail that hardly anybody will miss it. Anyway our small monetary contributions to the local council member's bank account will make sure that we are not found out.

Oh my god! OK so on such projects, what capital budgeting tools do the CJBC use to determine the credit worthiness of any investment project?

I'm glad you asked that question, in fact we have a fail safe screening process that I have given the working title of D.P.P.V.S ( deep pockets present value scheme ) It ensures that any projects approved by the C.J.B.C will generate 100% positive cash flows

Please elaborate,what exactly does it do?

Simply put, we calculate the present value of any potential projects by discounting it by a required rate of return equal to 100%. Thus any projects that we do undertake, we can be sure that there will definitely be no negative cash flows.

What the #@%$! Does that not mean all projects will have DPPVS equal to zero? So how many projects have been approved by the CJBC for the go ahead?

Exactly zero as of this point in time. Which also means that there has been no unprofitable projects that we have undertaken.

I have also heard that the CJBC is undertaking a large cash circulation program, can you fill us in on the particulars to this rumor?

Yes, I'm going to give you the scoop here! I am proud to officially present the C.J.B.C's latest corporate venture, code named operation usury. It involves the accumulation of funds from our clients to place into our managed usury funds. What these funds really do is to deteriorate cash balances within them by placing outlandishly high charges and fees upon them. So by the end of 3 to 6 months ( depending on the value of the fund ) there will be no real assets left for our customer's consumption.

Pretty clever, but are you ever scared of being caught by the investors?

Never, the investors we choose are either too dumb to realize the money is gone or have too much money to care about it being gone.and when they finally realize its too late.

We Understand that you also have a family, tell me how you educate them and what they have learnt from your association with the CJBC.

My children are determined to follow in my footsteps, they have already devised money saving schemes such as pretending to have no money when they go out with friends so they are always paid for. Another great scheme is to buy costly birthday presents in advance from cheap retailers in poor third world countries in bulk.

You seem like a very smart and cunning individual, how do you carry yourself in the presence of friends and family?

I am just like any other normal person when I unwind with family and friends. Like the next man, I always pretend to offer to pay for group meals, only to succumb to a generous offer by another friend when it comes to pulling out the dough. Also, my family have mastered the art of pretending to be homeless during holiday periods so that we can receive Salvation army hand me downs and meals.

Anyway thank you for your time, I think we will wrap it up there. Do you want to share a taxi cab out to the city?

That won't be necessary, I am expecting to be picked up any minute now on the family shopping trolly that was very kindly donated by woolworths. ( not really )

That's it! I'm outta here!

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